Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
