can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
