sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
