I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
