How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
