I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
