i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
