Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
