you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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