Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
