So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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