I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
