she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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