shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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