I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
