how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
