I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
