Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
