help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
