You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
