look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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