if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
