it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
