that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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