I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
