I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
