I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you traded sex for a burrito?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
