just tell him i said nine months
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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