Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
