yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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