Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
