i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
