True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
