Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
