Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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