You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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