the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
