Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Found the puke drawer
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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