got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
