new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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