U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
