Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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