Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
