dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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