Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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