I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
