he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
