I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
birth control should be required to get into college
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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