I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
