I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
