I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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