So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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