He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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