FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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